Sleepless in Seattle...wait...wrong end of the country..but then, I am not at either end. Just one of those nights. I have been reading lots of blogs of streamers that seem to be having that insomnia problem. I haven't had too much of it...not like I did last year at this time. Last year at this time I got very little sleep. I made a dent in the corner of the couch. I may not fall to sleep right away, now, but with a little patience I can usually find snooze time.

I heard something on a show that made me kind of blink and think (and you all know how thinking can get me into trouble). The woman said that she read an obituary of a former employer that had known who she was back before marriage and kids...what she was like...that her kids never seemed to see in her. And it made her sad to think that that man who died was probably the last person that would have remembered what she used to be.

Can you think of someone that just MIGHT remember who you used to be at an earlier time? If that person passed away, would it be a good thing that they were the last person to remember what you used to be or a sad thing?

I am not stupid enough to say I am the same person...after all, that is why I started this blog. I needed to find parts of me that I had lost and adjust parts of me that need adjusting.

In my younger years I was more confident at times, obnoxious at times, knew no fear...I didn't mind taking chances becuz it was just me! And I was young and had plenty of time to fix any messes I made.

But my decisions and actions now include two children and I really do care what kind of a role model I am for them...just how they view their mom. I make mistakes and when I do, I am not afraid for them to know/see them. They need to know that Mom is just a regular person and hopefully they can learn something from my mistakes.

I know about some of my mom's mistakes...she doesn't know that I know...I have never said anything and I never will. She didn't want to share them with me...and it makes me a bit sad. But she wants to present herself as the perfect person...all knowing and wise. Yet, it is my phone that she calls when she needs to let things out, when she is scared, when she is unsure. Once in a while, she catches me when I am over tired and have had one too many people plop their business on me (I don't mind it, just can only take just so much plopping at once) and I actually tell her what I think about it all...not what I know she wants to hear. I can FEEL her tense and curl up...back off. And for that I am sorry. But, at the same time, I am only human and in another week she calls my phone and wants to plop something on me again. It's been that way since I was in high school.

I would like to think that the person I become within the next year is someone that I can look in the mirror and recognize. I'm not so sure whose reflection that is right now.

No, this is not about the band/musical group/'artists'...and I wouldn't know/don't know anything about them except that I saw the CD when I was looking for something else.

This is an inane vent/frustration of mine.

I love to wear white shirts...mostly of the cotton sweatshirt/t-shirt variety. But the butt of many jokes in my family is this...they actually TIME how long I wear it BEFORE I drop/splash/spill something on it. I think I broke a record one day for having a white t-shirt on less then 5 minutes before I dropped something on it.

It is the universe getting even with me for laffing at my oldest sister when she had this particular problem. She even had what used to be a white robe. We all knew it was plain white when she bought it and that she couldn't say that it was made to look as if someone had dropped coffee on it in various places so no one could tell if/when she spilled some on it herself.

I just had an apostrophe! Lightening just struck me brain! I shall make and market pre-stained clothing! Hey! It can't be too much worse than those pre-muddied and frayed jeans my daughter guilted me into buying for her yesterday.

My first REAL teaching job...private school in Cleveland. It had no religious affiliation. It was started by a guy that saw a need...and he was full of greed. There were a lot of parents that did NOT want their kids to have to get on a bus and ride to the other side of Cleveland just so the schools had a good mixture of population...and the Catholic schools in our area were full and falling apart.

I interviewed with them, they offered me a job and I turned it down becuz what pay they were offering was just not worth it. They counter offered and I took it. Talk about walking into a BAD situation! 7th grade. It wasn't the kids...it was the school, the lack of books, etc. UNBELIEVABLE! But, I managed to pull things together. I stretched these kids out and made them work those brains!

It wasn't without trials. They pushed me the first month and I let them find their boundaries. We all learned a lot. One lesson that we all learned was definitely the boundaries!

Jason joined our class a month later. He had been thrown out of the school before. It was his second turn in 7th grade. His father was the head maintenance guy/bus driver at the school. (yes, we had more than one janitor!). Jason had twin brothers in the high school. Fraternal twin brothers. They played basketball.

Jason had knocked his former 7th grade teacher into the coat room the year before. He had anger issues. When he came into my class he would sit during work time and make some sort of constant repetitious noise. Always wanted someone's attention. Remember when I told you that I learned where my power was? That big males (even if they ARE younger than you) will NOT fight back with a small female becuz it would embarrass them too much?

One day, I had been stretched to the limit with my patience and the other students were giving me that look like they were getting ready to pound him. So, I walked over and picked up Jason's 'milk crate' (they all kept their books in them by their desks) and heaved it at the door. It hit the door, knocked it open and slid across the hall and hit the wall. Then I turned and looked at him with a look that could kill. He took one look at me, his face turned white, and I swear his freckles almost dropped off. In a very quiet, controlled voice I told him that he had better get up out of his desk and follow his crate out the door and collect his things...then wait for me. He MOVED! The 8th grade teacher next door (doofus David) came running over to see if one of my students had gone beserk. He looked around with a puzzled look on his face (oh, wait...that was his normal look ) and my students laughed. They told him that I had only thrown Jason's crate in the hall, not Jason. I just waved him back to his room. I looked at my students and told them that now they saw just HOW angry I could get and I suggested they not ever try it. They just shook their heads and watched as I left the room. I closed the door behind me and Jason looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I motioned him to sit on the steps. I sat down, looked at him and asked him why he so badly wanted everyone's attention? He just shrugged. I told him that those kids in there were pretty accepting and that I was too. I noticed that he was pretty smart at figuring out ways to bug people and make himself be obnoxious...and that I figured he could be smart about a lot of things. It was better if he wanted my attention to just come to my desk and ask for it...or raise his hand...or just let me look over his shoulder. He just nodded.

Amazingly enuff, he settled down and the other kids just gathered him into their groups. He was a pretty likable kid, once he felt more at ease. He found out that there were things that he could understand and help others with, too. It made him feel important and he got to be quite a comedian..but only at the proper times...and at Christmas time, he gave me a crystal Christmas tree. His mother told me later that Jason dragged her through 3 stores becuz he said he had to find 'just the right thing for Miss D.' (none of them liked having to say my whole last name at the time and I told them that they could call me Miss D.).

That school has so many memories! OI!

Fourth grade. I was at the top of my class...except for Debbie. She was in Mrs. T's class. We were in the same math class, however, and Debbie was Mrs. T's favorite pupil. We had math races all the time. Debbie was always a wee bit faster on the draw than me. I liked Debbie. She was my friend. SHE didn't talk a lot. Very studious.

One day, as I went out in the hall to get something out of my bookbag (that's what we had back then...no backpacks) that I had forgotten, Mrs. T's door came flying open and a desk came sliding out into the hall. Mrs. T came marching out behind it with a chair in one hand and poor Paul clutched by the other hand.

Paul stuttered sometimes and tried so very hard to be everyone's friend. But he was an ultra nervous child and he was a kleptomaniac. It was rumored that his parents were very abusive towards him and that the dog house with the chain in the backyard was for him...when they got really angry. Our bus passed by his house everyday on our way back to our side of town and since I NEVER saw a dog hitched to the doghouse, I tended to believe it.

Mrs. T sat Paul down in the chair and leaned down into his face, through clenched teeth she said, "I am going to make every day at school miserable for you." and she turned and stomped back into the room. I was stunned! How could she? The kid had it bad enough at home every day and NOW she was going to make school miserable too? Unbelievable! It was at that very moment I decided that I wanted to be a teacher just so that kids would NOT be treated like that! What a WITCH! (I didn't know the word 'bitch' at that point in my life).

AND, I decided to get even with Mrs. T in the only way I had available to me at the time. I studied and practiced my math so much that when we did the math races, I won everytime. I saw the look on her face. Her 'favorite' Debbie was not winning all the sudden. She was NOT happy. Debbie just tried harder and so did I. It was nothing against Debbie. It was just to get even with Mrs. T.

Over the years I worked with lots of other teachers like Mrs. T. I just could never understand HOW they could treat kids like that! Even at a kid's worst behavior I dug into their background to figure out what was going on. I would take them aside and talk with them. There was only one kid in my memory that I could never unlock.

Okay my NEXT post is going to tell everyone the TADA moment/defining thing that made me REALLY want to be a teacher. But not this one.

For this one I have something good to share that is rather personal but it is such a relief that I am going to share it anyway.

I took my son for his med check up with his doctor today. They did a lot of talking (and the doctor always glances at me to see how I am reacting to it all--I usually just sit and don't comment so that TJ will say what he needs to) and sharing of what TJ has been doing, how his meds are helping, how he is reacting to things...and it is official...the doctor has given him a 'stamp of approval' to re-enter the land of the living! By this I mean, he says that he feels confident that TJ will do very well going to JVS school next year and that he will be great with getting a part-time job in the next couple of months! Yippee!!! (one down, one to go)

Now, here's the 'thing' with me today. Just a minor observation...I got one of those 'flip ease' vac/floor cleaners. The vac part works very well and can get under tight spots. And the 'mopping' part works just wonderful, too. However there seems to be one 'problem'. It comes with the mopping/cleaning pad(s) and they attach by velcro. The velcro is ON the bottom which means the pad has to always be in place. The pad has a tendency to pick up a load of fuzz while you are sweeping, which means it needs to be cleaned off well before you flip it to mop. I have been taking the pad off and using some of those disposable dust pads that came with one of the original swiffer things. Maybe someone else out there that has one of these contraptions can tell me if I am making this too complicated or what?