I had my first day back to college yesterday. I ended up sitting by a 19 year old guy...scrubbed and clean shaven. He looked like Doogie Howser to me. I felt like his mommy. I could have been his mommy...age wise. Most of the females in the class were in their mid to late 20's. There was one woman in her mid-50's...bless her!

The professor for this class is the head of the HR dept AND my counselor. He got on my nerves right off the bat...he is a talker. By that I mean ANY word will send him off on a tangent about himself or his past, etc. Finally he will utter the phrase "but that doesnt' really have anything to do with this." and I'm sitting there thinking, "no it doesn't! If I wanted to know your whole life story, then you should have put it up for a class and I would have spent my college money on that...but I didn't! I took THIS class, instead...can we stay with it?" My thoughts are long but quick.

He took up the first half hour of the class not only telling us about himself but about everyone and everything in his life right down to the dog that he had that died 2 years ago! It took less than a half hour for the rest of the class to do our individual introductions (which I hate becuz why do these people have to know ANYTHING about me?).

I am not sure if I got on his good side or bad side. We had a time when we did some chapter skimming and had to come up with answers to discussion questions. Out of 4 questions I volunteered to answer 2. The first one I was one out of 3 people that gave parts of the answer. The second question I covered the answer so thoroughly that no one else volunteered to add anything else AND the professor laughed and only repeated everything I had just said. He didn't look at me, though, which makes me wonder if my answer was a good thing or a bad thing.

All I know is I have a presentation due in two weeks on the Rehabilitation Act--which is just review crap for me since I covered most of this chit my first time around in college--and the only thing that is giving me any anxiety is the fact that he PREFERS a powerpoint presentation...the ONE thing I have NOT learned how to do on my computer...it is supposed to be covered in my summmer class...BUT the happy and ironic part of it all is that my 11 year old daughter learned how to do Powerpoint last year in 5th grade so she is going to help Mommy do her college assignment! Rather good, yet, disturbing on so many levels.

The major anxiety point for me today, tomorrow, and Friday...my son's end of semester exams. I could have got him exempted from 2 of them becuz of his good grades but I didn't. You know why? Becuz he has been such a freakin' lazy butt about doing his school work! He has driven me crazy about his rise and get around to work habits...so, I am making him do ALL the exams. Yes, pay back is a beotch.

The Daddy is in Chicago again this week...he is doing some testing and flying with Oprah's new jet. I hope when he comes back here this weekend that he will bring some freebies...it might make me a kinder-gentler soul. hhmmmm.....nah!

**this is NOT going to make too many people happy. And I may be 'attacked' for this post...so be it. I only ask that you read the whole thing...and THINK...REALLY THINK...about it.**


There has been a lot of people putting down the fact that we are over in Iraq and that our people are dying for a cause that no one understands...that we should not be there imposing our type of government and culture on them.

While I do mourn that so many have died and that our country has not been more helpful towards our troops' and their families' hardships while taking part in this war...there is a MUCH bigger picture to this whole thing. Something that has been building beyond our comprehension...beyond our apathy...beyond our ignorance...beyond our growing sedentary minds and bodies....9/11 was not the wake up call...9/11 was the equivalent of the kid that has been watching the ultra popular kid at school from the shadows and hating everything about them; plotting and planning; pumping iron and bulking up; then beginning the complete annihilation of the popular kid and everything that kid stands for.

There is a book out entitled "Because They Hate" by Brigette Gabriel that explains in detail what Americans do not understand...there is no half way with these people. There is no mulifying...there is no negotiation. It is all about hate. Pure, unadulterated hate. Here is an excerpt from the book:

"The United States has been a prime target for radical Islamic hatred and terror. Every Friday, mosques in the Middle East ring with shrill prayers and monotonous chants calling death, destruction and damnation down on America and its people. The radical Islamists’ deeds have been as vile as their words. Since the Iran hostage crisis, more than three thousand Americans have died in a terror campaign almost unprecedented in its calculated cruelty along with thousands of other citizens worldwide. Even the Nazis did not turn their own children into human bombs, and then rejoice at their deaths as well the deaths of their victims. This intentional, indiscriminate and wholesale murder of innocent American citizens is justified and glorified in the name of Islam.

America cannot effectively defend itself in this war unless and until the American people understand the nature of the enemy that we face. Even after 9/11 there are those who say that we must “engage” our terrorist enemies, that we must “address their grievances”. Their grievance is our freedom of religion. Their grievance is our freedom of speech. Their grievance is our democratic process where the rule of law comes from the voices of many not that of just one prophet. It is the respect we instill in our children towards all religions. It is the equality we grant each other as human beings sharing a planet and striving to make the world a better place for all humanity. Their grievance is the kindness and respect a man shows a woman, the justice we practice as equals under the law, and the mercy we grant our enemy. Their grievance cannot be answered by an apology for who or what we are.

Our mediocre attitude of not confronting Islamic forces of bigotry and hatred wherever they raised their ugly head in the last 30 years, has empowered and strengthened our enemy to launch a full scale attack on the very freedoms we cherish in their effort to impose their values and way of life on our civilization.

If we don't wake up and challenge our Muslim community to take action against the terrorists within it, if we don't believe in ourselves as Americans and in the standards we should hold every patriotic American to, we are going to pay a price for our delusion. For the sake of our children and our country, we must wake up and take action. In the face of a torrent of hateful invective and terrorist murder, America’s learning curve since the Iran hostage crisis is so shallow that it is almost flat. The longer we lay supine, the more difficult it will be to stand erect."

As I have said all along...when we went into Iraq to capture Saddam Husein and help the Iraqi's set up a new type of government, we have to understand...it is not about Politics...it is about religion...and though our country was founded on freedom of religion, the type of religion that has spread like a cancer unchecked across Europe and other parts of the world is a religion of hate. If we don't fight back over there to try to keep it somewhat in check, if we do not sit up and shake off some of our liberalist apathetic demeanor, we will surely be wiped from the face of the earth...our beliefs, our freedoms, our way of life. Is that really better than staying there now, sending more troops and showing that we can/will fight back and begin to push back the growth of that religion that hates?

My son was asking me what Diet Rite Zero 'cola' is good for. It is basically there for me to try and trick myself into believing I am drinking cola. I love cola. But Diet Rite has NOTHING in it...no carbs, no fat, no calories and no sodium (the main reason I drink it). It is carbonated water filled with splenda and just enuff hint of the cola bean to help you with the fantasy that you are drinking cola. Can't believe I lived on that crap when I was in college! That and cottage cheese...while everyone else around me was scarfing down burgers and pizza. Oh, No! That would have went against all the rules of anorexia for me!

next topic...

I am used to seeing idiot directions on the sides of boxes, cartons, bags, etc. But, tonight as my kids sat eating their salmon burgers, I was looking at the Miracle Whip jar in front of me. Most food products will offer some recipe on their label. But how bad is it when the label on the Miracle Whip jar has to TELL someone how to make a turkey sandwich? FerREAL? (oh, sorry...a little valley girl snuck in there).

"Spread one of the bread slices (multigrain bread!) with dressing (1 Tbsp.); top with lettuce (1 leaf only), tomatoes (2 THIN slices) and turkey (6 slices OSCAR MAYER shaved oven roasted turkey breast). cover with remaining bread slice."

I am surprised they didn't tell you that you had to eat it and enjoy it afterwards!

I know...the low carb thing is getting to me...I am feeling a wee bit dizzy. where are my bagels?

After taking a couple years off from it, my daughter is back in Girl Scouts this year. She loves the activities but you know what we both hate?




I hate when that time of year rolls around that they have to go out being door-to-door sales ppl. Especially when your daughter suffers from anxiety disorder as it is.

I usually pass the thing around to family and friends with the stipulation that if they really don't want to order, then don't feel obigated. Most order but some take me up on NOT ordering. And I don't pay any attention.

This year they are raising money to go to Washington D.C. Let's face it...just how much is 50 cents per box going to help? I'm screwed, and I know it. I am saving up now.

I like the idea that she is going to get to go to D.C. That's how I got to see it...Girl Scouts. My parents never headed the motorhome towards the east coast. And some day, I would like to see the New England States. Just cuz.

ANYWAY, my mother informed me that my old community came up with a less stress way of selling GS cookies. They are using the trick-or-treat principle. They set aside day for the GS to scour the community and anyone that is interested in ordering any will leave their outdoor light on. Neat, huh?

I had to schlep the hard way to sell my cookies.



And for those of you (me included!) that are looking for a great blogstream support group for shedding those unwanted pounds or just to get in shape--check out "Sisters of the Traveling Phat Pants" (http://anewbeginning.blogstream.com). It is great! Thanks Dreww!

I have been trying to find a 'person' that I am comfortable with. The person I am looking for is me.

I wish I had some $$$ for everytime in the last couple of weeks, someone has told me that I knock myself too much...that I don't give myself credit...etc. Poor self image.

You know, I even had someone SERIOUSLY ask me why I didn't go for one of the guys in college that was going for one of those high paying careers. This person SERIOUSLY said that I was pretty enough and smart enough and sweet enough that I should have had no problem with hooking up with someone like that. That whole conversation was extremely uncomfortable. "pretty" is in the eyes of the beholder. Smart? I was a smart aleck. Sweet? Back then the wall was thick and high. Much more so than now. And most of the guys that were studying for those high dollar careers came on like a bulldozer...and I am not saying all of them are that way...just the ones that came on to me....they concentrated on trying to prove they were a lot smarter than me and that I needed to be TOLD practically how to breathe; who I could/not talk to; what they HAD; how important they were; how many girls would just love to have them but I was lucky enough to be the one they chose! ick. Higher, thicker wall.

I look back on my life and have decided that a lot of the choices I made were to keep my own self image just where I had it. The only thing I have ever felt really good about is how I raised my kids. Of course, I have had some second thoughts and lord knows the daddy has tried to make me feel bad about my abilities every now and then. But, no, dammit. I DID do that part right!

I have concerned myself too much with other people's lives...not that there is anything wrong with it and I don't know how else to be...but I have done it so much for so long I know that I have also used it to NOT pay attention to me and do for me what I need to do.

Just recently, a very close friend was talking to me about my 'school' schedule and seemed to be taking notes! I asked why. They said that they just wanted to be sure so that they could arrange time around ME to give me some attention and make sure I was doing okay...becuz now is MY time and it is all about ME! In writing this I STILL am getting tears in my eyes. Sounds silly but I have NEVER had anyone say anything like that to me in my life! I have always been expected to arrange my life around others, and it happened in so very many relationships (guys and girlfriends and family) and for so many years that it just became natural with me. And for this friend to tell me that...I swear I quit breathing! Just for a moment but DAYUM! This friend has given me so much more support in me getting on with my life than anyone I have ever known. No hidden agendas...no strings...just support. Rather blows my mind...but I am going to need it for classes. It is ashame that my friend will not be reading this becuz they are not on the blogstream...but I will copy and send to them.

This is truly the beginning of something with a light at the end of the tunnel. Now someone pass me a box of tissues, please?