Here I am, supposed to be hammering away on my keyboard writing my research paper and I am avoiding it. I have done the worst part...library visits, finding authors/books to use as references AND deciphering a 39 page piece of legislation. I just have to start putting things into my own words. ick. Never mind that I have to get up in front of the class Tuesday morning and do a presentation...double ick. I am going to do like I did when I went to college the first time...pull an all nighter.

There's only 8 people in the class. 4 females all somewhere in their 20's...one with a bf, one planning her summer wedding, the other divorced and engaged to another (and has 2 or 3 kids), and a married one with at least one little one and she is working her way into a better position in her company. The only other female besides me has about 10 years on me. She is looking to get out of the job of LPN and slide into an office position at the hospital. The remaining two are 19 year old guys. The one looks more like 16, and he thinks he is going to take the world by storm...he thinks he has everyone pegged already but he has an aura about him...he says things like they are all fact when it is just his opinion.

The other guy, he just joined the class last week. I slid into my seat in the front and didn't pay attention to what he looked like...I saw another person out of the corner of my eye, 3 seats back. It wasn't until he said something that I just HAD to turn around and look. The voice I heard was BIG and DEEP...like 20,000 leagues under the sea deep. When I turned and looked...OMG! It was a wall of human flesh! I swear I have never seen a guy so big in my life! Andre the Giant big! GASP! With spiked red hair (egads!) and a big old diamond stud earring! How he fit himself into the chair...! THe other thing that amazed me was this...I would think it would be hard enough to find jeans to fit that...but his were even too big for him...you know, baggin down to the crotch thing.

He sounds very intelligent and I think he made the little 19 going on 16 snot next to him quake in his shoes...but, to his credit, when Andre challenged Doogie, Doogie wouldn't look at him but he wouldn't back down either. Andre just backed off and let him be. Good thing becuz I could feel my anxiety level rising!!

The one female that is divorced and engaged again...her name is Heather. And even though it isn't my REAL name, I find myself wanting to answer to it. She has a loud, booming voice of her own. She can't just answer a question. She has to give an example for it from her life. And, I SWEAR, if she tells us ONE MORE TIME that she works at Applebees....I'm going to turn around and yell, "We get it! Okay? You work at Applebees and you know that job better than anyone!" sorry.

I sat in class last time and ended up answering 80% of the questions. Not cuz I volunteered every time, not becuz I was an attention hog...he asked, I sat there and waited...he looked around the room, everyone would look down...I tapped my fingers...he finally looked at me and asked if I had an answer. I looked around at everyone, they looked down...I gave an answer...then when he asked them individually if they had anything to add, say...you know what they said?!?! "what she said." DANG, people! It's college! You are paying big bucks for this 'edumacation'! THINK for pete's sake! The only thing that bugs me more is when I take weeks working on a long paper, hand it in and the professor returns it in another week with an 'A' on it and I KNOW all they did was skim to make sure I stayed on the topic, checked for references and length. I worked on that thing, dang it! READ IT! There was only one professor that really read my paper...he left notations in the margins...and I got an 'A'...I felt I really, honestly earned that one. It was in Education Law.

Somehow, I don't expect an 'A' on my first exam in this class...this is the kind of professor that doesn't like to give out an 'A'on the first one...he already let us know that. He is a putz. The only thing he hasn't told us yet is 'boxers, briefs, or thong'. I don't care but for the sake of the emergency workers...in case he is in an accident...I hope it isn't a thong!

This song always makes me feel happier...just from the energy!

"You're An Ocean" by Fastball

OR...for a little more toned down mood...when the NOISE around you is becoming an overload...Bruce Hornsby and "Listen to the Silence"

My mother called me today...sounding somewhat out of breath. I think it was more due to the cold she is fighting rather than what happened.

There they are minding their own business in their own home...and they manage to get right in the middle of things.

On one side of them lives Ray...his wife died eons ago and he and dad liked to go to Cleveland Indians baseball games together. Ray was always spry and thin and had smokers breath. But he took pride in his lawn and car and himself. In the winter he would get on his lawn tractor converted to a snow blower/plow and go up and down the road clearing people's driveways. When my dad retired he would help out, too. But when the old woman (Betty) across the road from him died suddenly from colon cancer, Ray went into his house and only comes out to get his mail. I saw him walk outside at Christmas time...he looks like Santa! Dad goes over every couple of days and knocks around on the doors and windows until he rousts him...just to make sure he is alive. Dad has even gotten after him to get cleaned up and do something about his yard...Dad figures he can shame him into wanting to move around. He doesn't understand depression.

There is a road that runs on one side of what used to be Betty's house (it was bought by a married friend of my brother...a *choke* Steeler fan...hiss) and on the other side of the road lives Joyce and Steve. Steve collapsed at work last summer and was rushed to the hospital...colon cancer. But he is in chemo and seems to be recovering. On the other side of my parents live(d) Sandy and Ron. Sandy died this last fall from some sort of cancer.

So, here is where today's adventure starts. Ron called my dad two days ago and asked him to take him to the doctor's. He had an appt. So, Dad took him...and said that Ron was acting 'funny'. He and Ron have stood in the side yards yapping up a storm for years. They are both always out in the yards working in the good weather.

Linda, Ron and Sandy's only child (she lives about an hour drive away), called my mom today and asked if Dad could go over and sit with Ron...hospice service was on their way to 'collect' him becuz he had had a nervous breakdown and she couldn't be there becuz the poor girl had just had surgery this week. So Dad went over. He had to take Ron's little dog to the boarding house down the road. Then he came back and stayed with Ron.

Mom was downstairs in the laundry room when the phone rang. It was Joyce. She wanted to know what was going on at Ron's. She was all excited becuz there was 2 cop cars in Ron's driveway and one in Mom and Dad's. Then the ambulance showed up! Mom went running upstairs in time to see 2 of the cop cars leave. Next thing you know Dad comes walking down the street with a gun!!!! As far as I know my father has never even held a gun...we've never had them in our home and he didn't have any in his home growing up.

He put it in the garage then came in and told my mom what happened. Seems Linda called the little town police and told them to go over and check on things becuz her father was suicidal and he had a gun in the house!!! Don't you think that would have been something important enough for her to share with my DAD?!?!

So, our little town, being the way it is, sent 3 squad cars. All 3 on duty!
My father met the sergent (I know the doofus...I subbed in his wife's classroom MANY times and he visited in the school A LOT) at the back door and asked what was wrong. Once my father convinced the Sarge that Ron was fine...he was sitting on the couch talking to him...he sent the other cars away, just in time for the ambulance to pull up. The Sarge came in, found out where the gun was (Dad said it was covered in dust and looked a little rusty...he doubted it even had bullets)...then says to my dad, "I really hate having to do all that paperwork on this thing. Can you just take it home with you until his daughter gets to town?" So, that is why my dad was carrying a gun down the road.

And the other neighbors all had to visit and find out what was going on and if Ron had tried to attack my dad.

Then Mom said Dad walked around the house jingling the change in his pockets (his dad always did that in his later years), looking glum and staring out the windows. Mom asked him if he was worried that would happen to him when he got older...and Dad said, "I'm OLDER than RON!" (by about 5-6 years) I think Dad is just feeling sad that the neighborhood is getting older and he is losing his friends. It makes me sad too. Mom lost Sandy and now Dad is losing Ron. And Ray. And I know what my dad is thinking...I have heard it before...he wants to sell the house and get out of there so he doesn't have to see anymore change. They like it down here where I am. It is too bad that I am not rich enough to buy them a place. Of course, my brother would then have a pretty difficult time without them. Always something.



Where is a pretty sunset when you need it?

It's that time of year...I need light therapy. A self warming suit and light therapy. Does anyone out there use light therapy? And if you do, have you noticed if it really works? Anyway...I just finished a really sweet book by Fannie Flagg entitled "Can't Wait to Get to Heaven". It is funny and tearful at times. I thought I would share one of the more thot provoking parts with you.

"Before she had left New York, Dena had certainly never paid the slightest attention to nature, had never seen a sunset or sunrise unless it had been an accident. She had rarey even noticed the moon or the stars or even the seasons changing, other than switching to heavier clothes. And most of all she was at a loss to undertand why anybody would go out of their way to see the same sunrise every morning, and the same old sunset every night. As far as she was concerned, if you've seen one, you've seen them all. But Aunt Elner had explained, "Oh, honey, it's never the same, every monrning it's an entirely different sunrise, and every night an entirely different sunset, and it will never ever happen in quite the same way again. And Elner had turned to her and said, "My question to you is, how in the world could you stand to miss even one? It's better than any picture show and it's free too."

It had taken Dena a while, but after joining Elner every evening, sitting with her and watching the sun go down over the fields in the back of her house, she had come to see what Elner had been talking about. "

I don't know about sunrises...I have seen quite a few of those on my way to work when I was teaching...but I am not a REAL early morning person. In the summers, I love to sit out on the back patio on the swing and watch the sun go down. It is beautiful and relaxing. And Elner is right...it is never the same.

I have become a little peeved with yahoo news. It used to be I would click on a story that looked interesting and READ it. Now I click on it and I get a freakin' video!

Listen...I spent years learning the fine art of reading. I rather enjoy the written word. I want to READ my news. Besides the fact that life is noisy enough. Reading is something quiet. The only sounds I hear are the russeling of the paper (btw...who is a man with no arms and no legs that you find in a pile of leaves? RUSSEL! sorry...couldn't resist) and the voice(s) in me head. I can ignore them. Have for years.

I know...I could put on a coat and take the 1 1/2 minute stroll to the corner station to buy a newspaper. Then I would be getting some "fresh" air (HA! ) and my printed news. But, but...the reason I liked to read my news on the internet was to save trees from dying just so I could read! (hey, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it...like a bagel with cheese!)

And speaking of noise (go back 2 paragraphs! Pay attention!) I would love to kiss the individual(s) that invented Tivo! Or even the DVD recorder! Why? Becuz I have 2 kids and a husband. You are still wondering? Well, they talk a lot. And they especially talk a lot to ME when I am trying to talk on the phone, watch a show, or read. They aren't interested in me when I can give them my undivided attention. They like to play with me...see how much they can tell me and I won't hear so they can get upset with me later. "I told you! I know you weren't listening!" Well, they have done that to me for years (not listen, that is).

My 85 year old uncle called my mom this morning to tell her that he ordered some drops for his glaucoma...he said he could hardly see and didn't want an operation. Seems the drops he ordered came from Switzerland. He said that he can see really well now AND he's feeling more energetic! Hmmmm...marijuana extract? Just a guess.

Well, I'm off to go kill a tree...buy a paper so I can try to read and NOT listen to what my family has to tell me.