Wow! Today should have been a high anxiety day for me. But, oddly enuff (VERY oddly enuff) I was about the ONLY one that remained calm.

TJ went off to school but about 10:00 he called from the nurse's office to let me know he'd lost his breakfast, in more ways than one. The nurse took the phone and asked if she should give him pepto. I agreed. About 45 minutes later he calls again...sick again...chills, dizzy...etc. I told the nurse I'd call his doctor. The doctor said to bring him in so he could check it out. He SHOULD be better. So, TJ is released and I meet him part way home and follow him. We get home and have about an hour until he has his appt. He tells me the nurse was 'beotchy' to him and accused him of lying that he hadn't gotten sick and he was way behind in his work. THEN, the counselor calls and sounds like SHE is having an anxiety attack...wound tight. I sat there and listened and calmly interjected here and there...Yes...I am aware of that...I know...I know...it will be taken care of...he will work it out with the teachers...after school/before school...FINALLY she takes a breath and I can say...LET'S WAIT AND SEE WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS FIRST! I am not convinced his anxiety is the culprit. He has been sick, you know!

So, in he goes...guess what? Still VERY sick...antibiotics are doin' nuttin'. He needs another couple syringes full of stuff BUT they are out and won't have any until tomorrow. In the meantime, he gets STRONGER antibiotics. The doctor fills out a permission form so he can take prescribed anti-nausea meds at school.

THEN, I call the counselor back...Hey LADY! My son is SICK! VERY SICK! Not anxiety...not faking...not all in his mind...he's SICK! AND I don't appreciate the nurse calling him a liar to his face. Perhaps you should check with his first period teacher who GAVE him the PASS to the restroom...where he (you know and you know ) THEN ask his second period teacher who gave him the pass to her office! He is on meds for his anxiety and they are working. Right now the ONLY thing that would give him anxiety is his teachers accusing him of NOT really being sick! That woman back peddled faster than a bear on a unicycle in a circus. She said she would let the nurse know about my displeasure and she would let the teachers know just how sick TJ is and that he is willing to stay after school or come earlier to get caught up...they are to HELP. Gee, what a concept...help.

I told her the biggest problem TJ is having is his frustration over being sick for so long...and ppl giving him a hard time about it on top of everything else. If they REALLY want him to like it there and be a success, then work WITH him...not AGAINST him.

I am getting so freakin' tired of it all.

Some things have happened lately with ppl that has caused me to stop and contemplate 'hindsight'. I really don't know where that saying originated that says "hindsight is 20/20". What a load of road apples!

Too many ppl whine about regrets. "I should have done...blah blah blah..." "If only I had....blah blah blah...instead of blah blah blah..."

My mother at times has expressed regrets to me about things she did/said about us offspring while raising us. Here is my thoughts on the matter and what I told her....

Do not regret any decisions you made. Do NOT look back from 20 years hence and think that you made a wrong decision...you know why? If you are a regular, even semi-intelligent human being, you are NOT the same person you were 20 years ago. You are NOT in the same place you were 20 years ago. You have been through things and learned things that you had NOT 20 years ago. Therefore, any decisions you made 20 years ago was with the knowledge and experience you had up to that point. To second guess yourself 20 years later is unfair.

A call from an old bf recently brought all of this forward. He began to apologize and express regret for decisions he made more than 20 years ago. I told him there are no apologies necessary. I was never upset with him, I have never held anything against him. I have always understood. Neither of us knew what life ahead was going to hold. We made our decisions based on what life was like for us at that moment in time...it included what our circumstances were, how we felt, what we thought we needed and what seemed like the best choice...at THAT time.

Hindsight is not 20/20. How can it be? You are looking down from a higher point on the path...looking back at all you have been through and being able to synthesize learned knowledge from experiences...and of course you may decide that you SHOULD have taken a few different turns in the road than you did. It doesn't make hindsight 20/20...you are just wearing a different set of glasses than you were before. You always had 20/20 vision. Just didn't always have the same perspective.

***on another note...both kids off to school. Yay! However, my daughter is expecting to celebrate her birthday on the 16th of this month. She is assuming I will let her live. If that girl doesn't get some organization about her...I will string her up!!! Jr., on the other hand, better slow down on the girl thing at school. Cosmotology girl is past. Now it is some cute little redhead in his film class
I have to just keep reminding him...if anyone is going to get caught, it's going to be him. Then sneak into his room in the middle of the night and go "WAH!!!" really loud!

So, today started out okay. My daughter bounced out of bed, and I didn't have to wake her. She got up, got her breakfast, got ready and away we went...she jumped into the van with this pronouncement, "Dad is gonna KILL me with that second hand smoke. He hugged me good-bye and that's ALL I could smell!" "Okay...you smelled the smoke, but you didn't breathe it IN. The smoke is bad for you...the smell is just bad." "The smell is bad enuff to kill me!" Such a drama queen. I looked at her this morning and asked if she had put on enuff make up. This is the look I got... eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss. I had to buy her an eyeliner pencil becuz she was insistant on buying eyeliner, I knew she would whether I approved or not...she would sneak it to school and put it on (hey...7th grade...that's what they do) SO I bought her the eyeliner pencil just so she wouldn't buy herself some of that goopy black liquid crap. I bought her a dark brown to go with her eyes. She said, "I want black" I said, "You are not Hillary Duff or Avril Lavigne or some Emo. You wear the brown or I take away the mascara too." Then I got this face... Wah.

TJ got up and got going and I only had to kick him once. Of course, it helped that Dad was there. He didn't DARE complain. After all, Dad has bribed them with money if they make it to the end of the quarter withouth missing anymore school. Money talks. It is best that Dad bribed them that way. Now if I had bribed them like that, I don't think Dad would have been pleased. At this point...I just want them out the door and into school.

Tonight I have some classes. I am contemplating dropping one of them and picking it up next semester. I have one I have to do next semester anyway...might as well make it two. Wishy washy...maybe that should be my new name. You know, the last time I did that on my blog (contemplating names) I ended up changing my blogging name to Amnesia Carrot Cake.

Over the weekend I started a lovely discussion over the dinner table about car colors. I was sitting at a traffic light pondering something major, I'm sure...even though I am not sure what it was...perhaps how to take over the world...and I noticed this car in the lane beside me...the color...it was the most 'unusual' color I've ever seen. I was wondering just what the name of it was becuz it looked like metallic baby poo. REally...that's all I could come up with. So my kids started trying to 'guess' what the color would be called. But, in the end, we all agreed on 'metallic baby poo'. Just who comes up with these colors and says, "Ppl will just LOVE this color...we will call it metallic baby poo and we will have a waiting list!"

Okay...back to the books.

I have tried to have a somewhat relaxing weekend. There really hasn't been much activity. Troy has been trying to catch up on some things around the house and help take care of things that I have had to take care of while he is gone. For instance...the vegetable gardens.

I am still having trouble with anxiety...my classes. They aren't all that tough, really. I am just not really wanting to have to take them, I guess. When you get to this stage in life, and you have poured so much of yourself into your family, AND you have gone through the whole college thing once already, you just don't want to have to do it all again...start over. Plus, I have too many doubts about myself.

I was watching this show...this young woman in what appears to be her late 20's...busy career...busy personal life...just handling so many things at once and being so organized and nothing stopping her. I caught of glimpse of who I used to be. I used to be her. Where did she go?

This coming week I am looking forward to what other ppl take for granted...'normalcy'...you know, the kids going off to school, doing their work, after school functions. Troy will be home most of the week to help out. He is healed and looking forward to playing golf again. He's ready. He has been on the phone setting golf dates with various buddies. Life is good for him.

I am looking forward to reading, writing, quizzes...and I just don't want to go there. I know in the long run it will be a good thing and it will help me regain that person I saw on the TV this evening. I am just too anxious, tied up in knots...unsure. And I HATE feeling that way. Wish there was an operation to remove it.