I feel awful. Physically awful.

I had to talk my son through a near panic attack this morning. It was becuz of 'the meeting'. I saw the signs...he started shaking complaining of being extremely cold...his stomach hurt...I hugged him and told him that he really needed to NOT worry...we were all just going to sit down, discuss what still needs to be done and make sure it gets done. I...on the other hand...was trying to stop myself from going into full fledged panic attack...I felt it creeping up on me. And for what? I knew it wasn't a big deal...the meeting...however, I have gone into school offices before to supposedly discuss what we can work out about TJ only to be clotheslined.

I rushed him through and out to his car. He NEEDED to do this. I followed him out onto the freeway and then I took the lead. I motioned to him to speed up and get behind me. We talked on the cell phones...I get encouraging him...he wanted to give up...but I kept talking and got him there.

It was good that they talked to him/us. They told him basically all the same things I have been trying to get him to understand. He also needed to understand that they want to work with him...and that he isn't that far out, yet. They told him that since he was so quick and so good with making up his work and with the aptitude he presented that if he made more of an effort to get there, even in sickness, he could end the year at the top of his class with no problem.

So, here I sit, having finished my work for my classes tonight...talking MYSELF out of withdrawing (what kind of example is that for my kids?), my legs feel weak, my head is pounding, and my stomach is churning...all after affects of the panic attack. Wishing I didn't have to go to my classes. BUT...again, if TJ knows how bad I feel and he sees me going and going through it then it just might rub off.

Bethany put on her new duds today and was sssoooo pretty! My baby is getting SO grown up! And she seems to have an admirer At this point he has only smiled and her and musters enuff voice to say, "hi", but he turns red and thats it. She giggles and thinks it is cute. oh dear...she thinks it is cute. As long as he keeps turning red...DON'T TOUCH THE MERCHANDISE!!!

I went to her GS meeting with her last night. OH MY EARS! I was all wound up from the days events as it is but then...I thot I was going to come out of my skin. AND I STILL have this song stuck in my head that they all sang together...loudly...for the moms...


Fall Out Boy: Thanks For the Memories

The moms sang back:

AC/DC: Shook Me All Night Long

Rather disturbing, actually.

Okay...I REALLY need to write this right now. It is an anxiety thing...I am SO frustrated I am on the verge of tears...so, even though I don't really have time...I have to write and pound on my keyboard a bit...to try and work some of it out.

1)my daughter...we had ice cream cake for her b-day last night. I gave her the dairy-aide pill to avoid the stomach problems in the a.m. She woke up this morning all doubled over and announced to me that when TJ took her and her friend Amy to the park yesterday, he bought them milkshakes...she didn't take a tablet. THEN her father informs me that he caught her eating ice cream IN THE MORNING...no pill. @#$%$&^*!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A LITTLE RESPONSIBILITY AND HELP WOULD BE SO F******G APPRECIATED!!! REALLY!!!!! So I gave her 'stuff' and got her 'fixed' up and in school by 3rd period.

2)in the meantime I get an e-mail from her math teacher that Bethany has not been turning her work in...she has no grades for her. I had her drag EVERYTHING out of that freakin' trapper keeper and I took away her computer and phone privileges until she can hand in her work after she does it...COME ON!!!!

3)Troy was busy on his phone and computer with customers and pulling his hair out cuz he still had to pack and get going...he had to get to Michigan. He said he had to stop and get an oil change and tire rotation done on his car before he left...so, me being the 'doll' that I am, volunteered to take his car in for the oil change, etc. after I dropped off the Princess...I told him I had some reading to do for one of my classes anyway so I would just do that while I waited and he could do what he had to do...what's an hour out of my day? I got there...they said it would be an hour BEFORE they pulled it in...no problem...I guess. I made a quick trip over to the Wal-mart and got back in plenty of time. Pretty soon they pulled it in...half an hour later here comes the guy with a clipboard and holding something that looks like a really big bent bar magnet (the brake shoe)...he said that they pulled the back tires off and his brakes fell off...they had to blah, blah, blah...another hour OR SO. I called Troy and let the guy talk to him. I was a prisoner...no brakes...I couldn't leave. So...for the NEXT 3 hours...there I sit. There is a guy there whose fuel pump gave out on him on his way to work and he was trapped there for the day...but, not a problem...HE had his briefcase, laptop AND cell phone! yippee. It was good for him...and I think I did a fairly good job of tuning him out. I got out of there just in time to change vehicles with Troy and he left...so that I could pick up Princess and get her to the doctor's for med check...where...

4) the doctor does an evaluation on her and concludes that now that her anxiety is under control, it no longer is masking her ADHD. So....she has new pills to start in the morning. Will these pills mean she will keep her room neat and tidy? Will she hand in her homework? Will she remember her gym clothes?

THEN
5) TJ calls me and catches me as I'm going IN to the Dr.'s to let me know that this big kid in his class threatened to take him out and pound him today...for being a Browns fan. WHAT THE HECK?

THEN

6) as I pull into the garage my phone rings...it is TJ's school counselor wanting me to come in for a meeting first thing in the morning...so we 'can all sit down and discuss TJ's absences, catching up on his work, and some behavior problems that have come up'. I sat TJ down and asked him what behavior problems to what she may be referring...is he making a mouth of himself in class? "NO!" Are you sure? "NO, I'm not talking in class!" Have you had problems with anyone besides this big kid today? "No." No one at all...no fights, arguments? "NO! and they can kiss my a**!" okay...settle down...I have to ask to be sure. As for the absences...his doctor said he will write them a letter if he has to. TJ has been trying to get caught up...I told him that it will be good to have it all out on the table so we can all see it, discuss it and work out some plan of action. But...that call...God Bless America...I am at the end of my string today!

AND while writing this I got an e-mail from someone that insists that they need to dump some of their bad day on me. Sorry...not today...I'm all full up of my own...and it's not over yet.

**************************************
okay...got a call from my mom...my dad cut half way through his arm while doing another one of his home improvement projects and she had to run him to the ER to get it "put back together". She said he is quite upset and she said she told him, "Well at least you didn't cut if all the way off!"

I don't wanna know anymore.

okay...I didn't knock myself out with the studying for my Comp. and Benefits class quiz this time. I took it this morning...and got same @#$!%&* results as the last week. I am not alone. I no sooner took my crap quiz as I got a message from one of my team members complaining of the same thing. She is as upset as me...according to her she has never gotten anything below a 'B' either.

I told her that we forgot the most important rule of all...the quiz/test isn't set up to test what you understand/know how to use what you understand. It is a mind game. You have to figure out the tester's pattern. I got it...

I am a Big Picture kinda person. I can't take little bits and pieces and just understand. I have to see the purpose of the journey. You know...start at point A and land at point B but I have to see the WHOLE map...get an idea of where Point A and Point B fit in.

I told my team member that this Tester isn't interested in our comprehension and ability to synthesize...he is interested in picky little junk...tables and word definitions. For instance...he seemed to be rather fixated on "egalitarian" this week. Two whole chapters of job analysis and he zeros in on a small slice of junk.

She agreed. So, we will be writing down definitions and marking tables. Swallow, chew...regurgitate. I have never been fond of regurgitating.

On another note...today was my baby's b-day. She will have the 'full' celebration next Saturday with her friends. But, today, it was just family. I spent two days buying her presents. I ended up buying her a whole new outfit: shirt, pants, socks, shoes, purse. I even threw in an extra shirt. I breathed a sigh of relief when she REALLY seemed to be thrilled with it all. Her brother bought her things to hang...on her purse, on her shirts, on her wall. Band buttons, band iron ons...and the biggest SCREAM of all...a Fall Out Boy poster.

I think I shall walk in front of a speeding city bus before next Saturday...my son is hoping to take some friends and go to the Lazer TAg and Gametorium for the evening (his b-day is this coming Friday) and then I get to cart the screaming memes (my daughter and her friends) around to the movies and pizza parlor. I am looking for my earplugs now. My parents will also be here for the weekend...Mum Festival weekend. Ah, yes...my daughter's first year to participate in the parade. My mother says it is payback for all the parades I was in that she had to go watch. I am just beginning.

Tomorrow is gonna be a loaded day. And Tuesday..and Wednesday...BUT...I have a very special post for Thursday...so please stop by and check it out! Ya'll have a good week!

One time around the block
two times around the clock
three times don't cross the little lady

So pretty and oh so bold
got a heart full of gold on a lonely road
she said "I don't even think that God can save me"

(Am I) gaining ground
(Am I) losing face
(Am I) lost and found by Saving Grace
Thankful for the gift my Angel's gave me

Born alone
We die alone
nuttin' but sittin' here by the phone
waitin for the Lord to send my callin'

Street wise from the boulevard
***** only knows that she tries too hard
She's only tryin' to keep the sky from fallin'

Any man says it's Heaven and Hell
Prob'ly got somethin' useless to sell
You ask me if I'm saved but what's it to ya?

Blow a quarter
cop another eight
you're runnin' out of hide you're losin' your faith
Throw your hands up and scream halleluiah
halleluiah halleluiah halleluiah halleluiah Amen

One time around the sun
another year older and my work ain't done
it's time for me to write the final chapter

Deal the cards and roll the dice
sex drugs and rock'n roll are my only vice
tryin' to figure out just what's here after

halleluiah halleluiah halleluiah halleluiah halleluiah halleluiah Amen