Monday morning...I am here alone. The kids both got up, got ready...no whining...went off to their destinations. Hubby got up, got ready...went off to spend most of his day on the golf course. Just me and the hamsters and Scrawny. Scrawny will be off scampering for a while...I gave her a load of walnuts so she is content. The hamsters sleep mostly in the morning. It is quiet. No TV, no music, and, so far, the phone has not gone off. Perfect. THe sun is shining. Again...perfect.

I am sipping coffee, sitting back, breathing easy deep breaths.

The weekend was hectic. But it is over. There was some things to work out with the daughter...attitude for one. It will get there. She is testing her parameters and her new found boldness.

Hubby made the dinner for my parents Friday night. I made the sweet bourbon marinade for the salmon...he did everything else. He made some butternut squash soup, prepared summer squash and grilled salmon for the rest of the dinner. We all attended the Mum Festival Cruise-In. My dad was more excited than Scrawny with a fresh pile of walnuts! It is still difficult for my mom to walk around much so we walked some, found some benches for her to rest on some.

Saturday was the Mum Parade in the morning. Bethany was in the Middle School marching band. It was HOT! The temperature, that is. Mom and I met her over at the Festival. I made many pizzas that evening and a strawberry cupcake-cake. She had her friends over to stuff their faces with pizza, chips, pop and cake...TJ and his friends did also. I loaded the girls in my van and deposited them at the movies. The boys went off to play lazer tag. I dropped the girls off later at their designated abodes, the boys came home about midnight and crashed.

Yesterday was slower. Watched some football (which I REFUSE to discuss but at least the Bengals lost and the Colts won). I did some class work...and that was that.

Today begins a new week. It has gotten off on the right foot, at least.

Hope everyone else has had a good weekend. I will take some time to catch up along the way during the week.

Birthdays over....parents fed, entertained, moved on....Jr. went to school Friday without a hassle....daughter made it through parade....

Still have to take an online quiz and test...write a paper...and pick up another test Monday to do at home....

4 girls....loud...LOUD....VERY LOUD....lots of pizza and chips...everywhere....cake crumbs all over....

Son and friends feed faces....off to lazer each other....still gone....dark...crowded freeways....

AAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Does anyone have some valium?

Soooo....how was YOUR weekend?

September 20, 2005

 

My First Blog Post.

 

Two years ago today I decided to try posting a blog entry.  Many times we are all asked what brought us here/why we started blogging.  My answer has always been just to put things down/get things out of my system/share my life.  That is only part of it.  I wanted to see what other ppl had to say on their blogs.  I wanted to learn more about life and how others live it.  Little did I know the adventure on which I had started.

 

There are a few things I had always tried to remember earlier in my life, and I pass these pieces of ‘wisdom’ on to my kids:  1) Make up your mind WHO you are, WHAT you believe in…and be sure.  Once you have decided on it, without a doubt, peer pressure will not be a big problem; 2) Accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you or the things you do.  They don’t have to…it is their choice.  Try not to let it hurt you, there are lots of other people that will think you are just fine.  Go with that and leave those that don’t like you alone.

 

I forgot those two pieces of advice at times.  I made mistakes at times becuz of my faulty memory.  You shake it off, straighten your shoulders, and move on.

 

I have been through a lot of personal changes in the last two years.  I have been given advice, encouragement, support from so many directions.  I have tried to return the favor.  And to the Stream I say thank you…with tears of joy in my eyes.  The last two years have been emotionally draining and heart wrenching in many ways…but I listened and learned. 

 

While my blog has gone through title changes, and I have changed my blogging name a few times…other changes that have taken place include my change of perspective.  Not a TOTAL change, but a transformation nonetheless.

 

There was a time when I was seriously going to close my blog and leave.  Two ppl on the stream changed my mind:  Lucy and Coloconnect.  Lucy encouraged me to make changes and stay…that it was worth it.  Coloconnect knew of the reasons for me wanting to leave and…bless her heart…she gave me a ‘good talking to’.  She kicked my butt!  In only the best, most supportive of ways.  I love you both!

 

There are some streamers on here that I hold near and dear to my heart in other ways, too.  

Prankster was the first streamer I recall whose blog I read and commented on.  His name suits him!   I have seen him going through some changes and trying to find his footing.  Life is full of curve balls.

 

Scratch… you are a dear friend and a source of SO much creativity.  You have a kind heart and don’t give yourself the credit you deserve.  I hope you will continue sharing your wonderful talent with the stream for a good long time.

 

Puppy and Icemelt…I remember when it was discovered you guys were married!  You two are such gems.  Creative and informative…and you can certainly have your silly, entertaining moments.  You have both given me many smiles and laughs.

 

Daisy…you have gone through a lot in the last two years.  I am always interested in what you discover and learn…and I love that you share it with us all.

 

While I have so many new friends on the stream…and I have kept some in private that have left the stream…there is one other one that I have to mention that is a ‘newer’ friend to me…Bella.  You give me giggles and smiles AND you know how to kick my butt once in a while…if I need it.  You are a strong individual…and I’m not talking about muscles.

 

I have been through so much on this stream…some fun, some serious, some horrifying, some heart wrenching.  I wouldn’t trade ANY of it away.  Well…there have been a FEW moments I’d rather not have gone through…but even those moments taught me a lot.

 

There are too many of you to mention…that I dearly care about.  So VERY many.  Just know that I appreciate you all…for friendship and laughs and tears and hope.  As Rosie’s blog announces…There’s Always Hope.

I need a getaway. Just me...out of this routine...this downward spiral of a pattern. I'm not really sure it is even a downward spiral. Just a pattern that I don't like.

I have a friend that is staring down the reality that he has a drinking problem. I'm proud of him becuz he is taking the initiative to get some help for it...and he knows that in order to get over it he has to break some patterns.

Patterns are sometimes not a good thing. Even if they seem to be doing no harm, patterns can lull you into a false sense of security. Patterns can lead to apathy and blindness. Blindness in the fact that by following the same patterns, you just might miss out on something better/wonderful/good for you.

I have been trying to get out of this pattern that my family has been stuck in...try to climb up over the mountain in front of me. Just when I think I might be topping the rise...I slip and slide back. Yet, when I think that I am just going to quit...somehow I muster a little more courage and try again.

My daughter's anxiety has gotten under control only to uncover the ADD lurking underneath. The ADD diagnosis doesn't surprise me, I was just hoping that it was more anxiety than ADD. I try not to get frustrated with her...and I really hate having for her to suck down another pill.

Then there is TJ. We have worked so hard and so long to get his anxiety under control...and now he has other things ravaging his body...viral infection...Mono...and this morning he was yelling about the 50 million pills he has to take. Well, it is nowhere near that bad. And right now he is down to his anxiety meds and a nasty liquid dosage of something for his allergies AND congestion, and the veggie/fruit pills to build up his body...fight it all off.

It is going to be a long hard fight...again...still. I sometimes feel like I'm staggering. The clouds part to reveal some blue and some sunshine...get my hopes up...only to cover it all over again.

I try to bolster my kids...give them some hope...my son isn't buying it. He's had too many times over the last 4-5 years where he's looked for the blue sky and not found it. I know things could be worse...but I really don't think it is too much to ask to give him some relief for a while.

Okay...onward and upward...time to dig my toes in, grab that rope, swing that pick...I've rested and whined long enuff. This is life. Sometimes it sucks sewage...sometimes it sprays perfume.

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My daughter wore her 'distressed' jeans to school today...mom slipped up...I didn't notice what she had on when she slid into the van...rushing her to school. Luckily, I didn't get any calls and she didn't get in trouble for the holes/slits. I told her I think they only have a fit about the ones with big slices in the butt Then she giggled and said that Tyler-the-one-she-likes (remember a few posts back...her red faced admirer) had a rip in the butt of his jeans that she said she didn't think he knew about...he had on green underwear...boxers even. "So, you were studying that pretty good,were you?" "Well, gee, Mom! It was right there in front of me!" "His BUTT was right in front of you? WHY?" "In class...he stood up...it was in front of me.. I couldn't miss it!" My daughter checks out boy's butts. There is a piece of info I didn't need.

Today is it. It is the stand off.

Bethany is doing okay...thank Heaven for the favor.

TJ has been clutching his stomach and practically screaming this morning. He has vomited over and over. He has blown his nose until it seems like he has blasted his brains out. He is shaking. It's like watching his dad going through crack withdrawal.

I will be taking him into the doctor's in a little while. I am almost numb. Drastic measures will need to be taken. His body has become anti-biotic resistant...they have shot him so full of stuff and it isn't doing anything. I am beginning to wonder if there is something else they are missing. Did they discover the anxiety disorder and then discover a sinus infection and decide that's all there is....and there is something else they haven't looked for...haven't considered?

I see my son's life swirling the drain...ready to go down. And I stand here virtually helpless. I have done everything I know how. It is just something that God is going to have to take care of...or give someone some conk on the head to get their attention to know what to do to help him.

I am on the verge of tears that don't want to release...I feel exhausted...I have to find the strength to keep going with this...I have work to finish for class tonight.

I never imagined this is how my son's life would go.
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ADDENDUM:

It turns out Jr. has mono...along with the viral infection that has invaded his body. He didn't even get mono the 'fun'way. I am now giving him Juice Plus tabs (concentrated veg. and fruit capsules) and Airborne with extra C. He also has some strong stuff to take to stop the sinus drainage. The doctor told him it would be 6-8 weeks of body aches and immense tiredness. So, he will literally be dragging himself to school.