The day got better after dropping Jr. off at the school. I cried all the way home, was settled for a bit, then started crying again. Took care of some nonsense junk, then headed out to the college to collect my Student Loan check so I could pay my parents back for my books before they left town, and put the money back in my hubby's work account that he loaned me to pay the first half. While there I got to joke around with Sanchez, a young guy in my tech writing class. The 'teacher' was kinda picking on him Tuesday night and I was joking with him about the teacher. He is a nice young man (I just sounded like a grandma there!) and has a good head on his shoulders. I expect he will go far. I also joked with the student loan lady about my birthday. yeah...I'm a kid.

Then I stopped at a few stores on the way home and got some groceries. I was going to bake a peach pie in place of a b-day cake for tonite (I always have a fruit pie for my b-day) BUT one store had some Sarah Lee bake-it-yourself pies on sale and...tada! There was a big, deep dish peach pie. So,I bought it!

I got home just in front of my parents' arrival. My mother stood watching me putting away groceries really fast so I could be back out the door to go pick up TJ. When I got there he had two big packs of shirts...the ones I had to order at the beginning of the year with his school and department logo on them. So, come Monday, he will no longer be able to wear his own t-shirts...he has to wear the school ones. Btw...he was still ticked at me. But once we got home, he sat out on the back porch with my parents (and Scrawny) and I think they had a talk with him. My mother had told me on the way to picking him up (she rode with me) that she was proud of me...she said she knows it is really hard and takes a lot of courage to do what I had to do today. All I know is I have cried a lot off and on about it today.

Troy made dinner...Chicken Marsala, fried zucchini, and I made a big tossed salad with the veggies I gathered from our gardens. My parents both stuffed themselves. Btw...the peach pie was THE BEST peach pie I think I have EVER eaten!

My mom being the way she is, could not come empty handed...she brought cupcakes...which my two kiddies dived into. TJ took off to watch Steve's football game (Steve moved into a town not too far from here...the high school football team has 16 guys total...so they all play 2-3 different positions...offense and defense. They never win of course. ) My dad HAD to say to TJ, "I guess you're feeling better, now, huh?"

While I was at the college this morning I walked down to the information booth and said to the woman, "you know that big shiney new workout room that they put in next to the new gymnasium? Do you have to pay extra to use it?" "Are you a student here?" "yes, I am." "then it is free and you can use is whenever you like between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m." So, I walked down to check it out. It was empty and dark. I stepped into the room and WOW the lights all came on (motion sensors...cool! Just like Wal-mart coolers! ) Let me tell you, there is some mighty fancy and expensive exercise equipment in there.

THEN I meandered further down the expansive hallway (maybe instead of losing weight, I will just wander down that hallway more...it makes me feel so TINY. At the end of the hallway is a large all glass room full of computers and a Winans Coffee Counter. I sauntered up to the counter and ordered me some thick, dark coffee, checked out the adjoining library facilities (my classes are WAY on the other side of the building complex), then wandered back towards the parking lot where I had left the big black box (my van). Before exiting the building I had to pass the new banquet facilities...where the HR Club I got an application for earlier that morning...will be meeting with area company CEO's and other management types. If I have to dress to impress for that, I had better get shopping!

All the stuff that I just mentioned has been added to the college over the summer. Well, the internet cafe and new library was being build through last spring semester but it was finished off and opened before the fall semester began. There has been some lovely ponds added to the grounds...and you had better watch where you step but the ponds have attracted large gaggles of Canadian Geese.

Anyway...the day went better. I got to relax a bit and enjoy a really good dinner with my parents. I will see them again Sunday before they head back to NE Ohio.

Tomorrow, while Troy is off playing in a golf tournament, I am spending my afternoon at the Mall with my kids and some of their friends. I plan on finding the nearest coffee counter and a comfortable bench.

This morning started out okay with my daughter. She was still a wee bit pokey but it will all work out.

However, TJ was a different matter. I had to drive him to school. I knew I was kidding myself yesterday with trying to believe his morning 'ailments' had to do with his mono. This morning was a repeat of yesterday morning...and I knew. So, I pulled his dad's car out of the garage (becuz his car was blocking my van and I didn't want to deal with it) and Troy shuffled TJ out to the car. I hurried up the freeway to his school. Once we get there I park outside the back door (where he has to go in anyway.) He is sitting there gagging and clutching his stomach and spewing 'hate' at me for making him come when he has a stomach ache. He says I don't believe him. I told him I believe that he IS feeling the pain, and that he does feel sick. BUT he doesn't believe me. He says he isn't nervous about anything, that he likes his school, he doesn't want to miss. I tell him I believe that too. He says I don't.

What he doesn't get is his 'illness'...and the fact that I DO get it. I call inside the school and ask the mental-health counselor, Mrs. Parker, to please come out and help him into the school. She is so nice and understanding. Again, TJ spews venom at me. If looks could kill I wouldn't have just dropped dead, I would have gone up in flames. What he doesn't get it...I am trying to essentially save his life.

I told him that there is a pattern here. Thursday and Friday are bad. I also told him that when we tried (I tried) to get him going to the town high school that he would make it through Monday and start falling apart on Tuesday...so we have progress. I didn't win any points for making that observation.

General Anxiety Disorder has no logical pattern to it. Situations that might make other people stress out and collapse under the load will generally not bother people with GAD. Hence the 'General'. It is what appears to be 'normal' everyday things that can be the trigger. And while you may not FEEL like it is upsetting you, your body tells you different. It doesn't even make sense to you. But that is the worst thing of all...you CAN'T make sense out of it. My son keeps trying to make sense out of it...instead of just accepting that school is his trigger. He will not accept that what seems like a stomach ache is actually his GAD causing him problems. And then the splitting headaches follow.

I didn't get it for the longest time. Now I do. I just hope that someday, he will not hate me. He will understand that I believed him...that this was a VERY hard thing for me to do...but I did it to help him.

As I drove away, I had to pass him and Mrs. Parker walking into the school. He turned to give me one last look of hatred. The tears began to flow down my face uncontrollably. I love my son very much. And those looks hurt. I know he is angry and I know that once the GAD starts to make his body react negatively, he reacts negatively. But it still hurts. One day...one day...maybe not soon...but one day...he will be out there taking on the world and have it under control. Until then...I will do what I have to do. Even it if hurts me.

I know most of you think this is silly...and you don't really care...'did her kids go to school or not?'...but it is my world right now.

As a matter of fact, TJ missed a few classes this morning. I won't go into detail ...let's just say Imodium was involved. According to the doctor it is a sometimes complication of mono. The thing that is important here...he still WENT to school. This is a change right there. So, I will still count this as a day at school. And Bethany dragged herself, too, but she made it...by the skin of her teeth.

I was up most of the night coughing my head off. My throat HURTS! I guess I'm gonna have to break out the Robitussin (nasty stuff).

Things are pretty much calm. I'm not used to it. This is a whole new thing for me. I am so used to having some sort of frustration or drama in my life...this is just...different. I am having to get a whole new mind set. This may take awhile. But, I NEED to get used to this. I need to have some...uh...'downheaval'? You know...the opposite of 'upheaval'.

I am making a step outside my anxiety boundaries. Besides school. I am joining a campus HR organization. It is mostly for networking with companies in the Miami Valley area...help me get a job in my field when I get done with my classes. That means I have to get gussied up for fancy luncheons. No more wearin' nuthin' but jeans and t-shirts. Oh, well. Had to happen sooner or later. Another adjustment...bring it on.
*******************************
Now...a TOTALLY different subject...I like Dancing with the Stars. The music, the energy, the pretty clothes!
This season there is one that I definitely can't wait for them to eliminate...Mark Cuban. The 'man' is a pompous A**. He COULD have been eliminated last night and put us viewers out of our misery but NNNOOOOOO! Please, don't make me have to witness him on that dance floor too many more times. There are 3 that I am routing for...cuz I can't make up my mind...Marie Osmond (good for HER! Way to fight depression!), Jane Seymour (she is graceful just standing still) or Sabrina Bryan (she would be my daughter's choice since she is a Cheetah Girl). If only I could dance like them. sigh.

BUT FIRST....


TJ going to school this morning...Business Meeting Day.
Notice the SMILE! He likes to 'loooook goooood'

So, two in a row...kids off to school without a whimper. The hubby JUST left for a few days...and I am getting back to work on my assignments...after I water the gardens.

I'm not sure if it is even going to be necessary. It is supposed to start raining this evening. Just hope it waits until after I get to class. Don't care if it rains on me when I leave.

Hope everyone else is having a nice smoooooth day.