Today's post is going to be something quite different than I usually post on this blog. It is something that has been weighing on me for the past few days. I am hoping if I write about it, I can move on.

I just finished reading "The Guardian" by Nicholas Sparks. I do not know what made me pull that particular book from the library shelves. I was just looking for some fiction to read, and given that I had been reading another of his books, a non-fiction one, I decided to try one of his that had not been made into a movie, yet, and that I had not heard of. Had I known the real subject matter of the book, I might not have chosen that one.

It is about a sociopathic stalker. But, aren't most stalkers some kind of sociopath?

I have been in a 'weird' state for days. For some reason it just didn't occur to me what it was. But the subconcious can be doing things in the noggin that we just have no idea about. When I couldn't sleep last night, and I picked up that book and found myself reading for hours...unable to put it down...feeling myself become more and more uncomfortable with each chapter...I finally knew why I had been in the mood I'm in.

I am so very naive. Even at my age. I will hover over my children and worry and warn and watch...but I don't watch for myself or think things through as well as I should.

I went away to college but there I was wary and aware. It was during a time when girls had 'disappeared' from college campuses...it was something 'new'. Only becuz of the media and how quickly the stories could get out to the rest of the public. I remembered leaving one of my night classes and this guy in my class that I hardly knew offered to walk me to the bus stop and wait with me. He was probably being nice but I was more terrified of his offer than I was of going it alone. I had my little aerosol can of hairspray...yes...a very small one...just let that hit your eyes! I told him thanks but no thanks and he followed me there anyway. Luckily the bus was on time.

But after all of that, I moved to Cleveland, Ohio to live on my own...teach school. It was there I experienced stalking. The guy was young, worked as a janitor at the school...seemed normal enuff. I barely noticed him but it got so that whenever I stayed after to grade papers and get things ready for the next day that he would clean my room then. He wanted to chat and I would respond in a friendly way. I still didn't think anything of it. Until I stayed home one day sick with the flu...he showed up at my door with some chicken soup. He told me he looked in the files and found my address.

There were other 'visits' to my place and I wouldn't let him in. He took to calling me (another thing he found in my files) and sounding 'upset' with me and threatening. Things he would say that led me to believe he followed me at times...or, at the least, was hiding outside my apartment. Things would be left at my door...flowers, cards, etc. The calls finally became just calls where he seemed to call just to hear my voice...then he would play music on my answering machine when I finally got one and started screening my calls.

In the book, the stalker did a lot of those very same things. However, in the end, he got violent.

I met my husband during this time. My oldest sister had bought me a stun gun. But I still was rattled. After a short time of dating (less than 6 months) I suggested to my husband to move in with me. This was very much unusual for me becuz it went against my upbringing...and when my parents found out, they were not pleased. But I didn't want to tell them about the stalker.

Troy began answering the phone calls and screaming at the guy. He never said anything back. He just kept calling. Leaving music when he got the machine. This was in the days before caller ID, but I knew who it was. Troy finally threatened him with getting the police involved. I don't know what good that would have done, really. There were no laws on the books about stalkers. And he hadn't DONE anything.

I was too naive to realize that things could have escalated. Luckily they didn't really. However, when I started teaching at a Catholic school and Troy got his own place, it didn't take long for the calls to start trickling in. Only here and there, hit and miss. What did I do about it? I moved. And luckily for me, I wasn't too much of an obsession OR maybe he just wasn't that ambitious. Either way...it worked.

But stalkers are a very unstable kind of animal. They watch, they take in information, they plan, they have patience...to a certain point. But they have their fantasies and ideas in their head...and they tend to snap when reality goes against their fantasies.

I was 'lucky'.

And now...maybe...I can shake off this mood!

Another Maxine Tip... Always keep several Get well cards on the mantel,so if unexpected guests arrive,They will think you've been sickand unable to clean the house.

My mother came from a family of 7 kids...she was the youngest. She had 2 brothers and 4 sisters. Uncle Gerald (who is now 90), Uncle Ken, Aunt Doris (who is 85, skin and bones and showing signs of senility), Aunt Lois (Aunt Crazy...she now has dementia), Aunt Joy, and Aunt Wilma (who was 5 years older than my mom and her best friend).

Aunt Wilma died a little over 20 years ago, on my oldest sister's birthday. She passed away after a terrible bout with cancer.

Aunt Wilma was like none of the others. She spent hours in the sun, loved being barefoot, and as soon as she could run, she did. She was a wild, adventurous person. She had a sense of humor like no one I've ever known. She loved her single life...and moved often. It was easy for her to find work...she was a secretary and very good at it. She was the only one in the family that had buck teeth but they didn't make her look funny...they added to her character.

She finally married after the age of 40. He was from her small hometown. He was in the merchant marines and every time he had shore leave, he would find out which state she was living in and go visit her. His name was Starr (funny name for a guy...and I always thot he was odd). By the time she decided to marry him, she had decided to settle in California. She settled into a job as a personal assistant to some millionaire business man. The job was adventurous enough to satisfy her adventurous side, I guess. She helped Uncle Starr get through engineering school. Not sure what kind of engineering, though. As far as I could figure out it was structural engineering. She also helped him get sober...he was a bit of an alcoholic.

She would come back and visit us every other year...bearing gifts of some oddity or another. I enjoyed her humor and confidence. I enjoyed the rides in her convertible sports car. But she was a puzzle...she could be cracking jokes one second and raking some poor inept cashier over the coals in the next second. She took no prisoners and had no patience for weakness.

When she was diagnosed with cancer (and she KNEW there was something terribly wrong before she went to the doctor's), it was all through her body. We don't know if it was the excessive cigarette smoking or too much sun over her life or combinations of things. When she finally went to the hospital for treatments, my mother went out to stay with her for two weeks. My younger siblings were in HS and I was old enough that I stayed and held down the fort, so to speak.

When Aunt Wilma was released to go home for a while, my mother was there. The treatments made it difficult for Aunt Wilma to finish a thought, sometimes. Her husband made fun.

She passed away in a hospital in the middle of the night. A week later Uncle Starr found their dog laying in the entry way of their home...dead. Cancer. Less than a year later, he died at home, by himself...cancer.

They were an odd couple...but I remember visits with them in California and all the fun we had. I remember them coming to visit us and how we all got so excited to see them.

20 years later and I so wish she was still here. I had wanted to be like her at one point...and sometimes I can feel some wanderlust tugging at me. If I hadn't gotten married and had kids, I may have moved myself around more...but, then, would I have had her courage?

I have been trying to capture the backyard critters on my camera this morning. The fourlegged furry creatures are more cooperative than the feathered ones. I ALMOST got the picture of the cardinal couple BUT...they don't seem to like things being pointed at them.



This chipmunk is still rather skittish. I had to take the picture through the screen door...so it is kinda blurry. Chipmunks are cute but too destructive. This is the first chipmunk I've seen here since we moved in 4 years ago.


Another 'through the screen' picture.


Scrawny seems to like getting her picture taken.

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If this was my house the whole back section of the yard would be made into a backyard wildlife habitat. The problem would be the pond I would put in for a water source. My mother complains about having to fish a drowned chipmunk out of hers every now and then. My youngest sister has a small pond in her front yard as you take the walk to her front door. She has come up with a theory about chipmunks and ponds.

She has a chipmunk that insists on leaving a pile by her front door every day. Then she put the pond in...with lights. The piles started growing in number. She decided that after everyone goes to bed at night, the chipmunks have a pool party.

And this is my addition to the theory: My mother's pond has lights but she turns them off before she goes to bed...leaving the chipmunks to party by moonlight. I think one of them invariably misses as it is taking a dive into the pond and knocks itself out. The other chipmunks are partying so hard (and it is too dark to see 'Harry' floating in the pond) that they don't notice, thus 'Harry' drowns.

Therefore, I think I should put in a pond with no lights.


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I tackled the front hedges yesterday. One of the bushes at the corner of the house is as tall as I am. That means I have to lift the hedgetrimmers over my head to get the top of that thing. After winning the war with the rest of the hedge (and I had no mercy for it...took it right down!) my arms REFUSED to lift the trimmers over my head. I had to walk away and let them have a rest. But I'm stubborn and determined. I made sure to get that bush taken care of before I packed it in. Needless to say, my upper torso had its workout and I just was NOT in the mood for the gym after that. This morning I was stiffer than I have been in a long time! SHEESH!

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Today, before I can make my appearance at the gym, I have to go look at a house. I don't know why. It looks like a really nice place...still in our neighborhood...but they have it priced higher than I am willing to pay for it. But hubby wants to go...so we go. THEN, I can go put my body through torture...um...I mean a workout at the gym. yay. Someone better make me a sno-cone...rootbeer please.

I found a quick way to cut the phone bill cost...douse your new cell in a puddle of water...one less line to pay for.

Get a digital home phone and shut off all cell phones all together. If you have internet service, go back to using that to message with. There are no overage charges for too many msgs. And think of all the piece and quiet you will have with no one having a way to call you while you are on the road! oi.
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My husband decided that while he is losing so much of his 401K becuz of the nasty economy, he is going to borrow some of it to pay off the vehicle loans (mine isn't much, but still) so that somebody he doesn't know isn't getting his money AND the bank isn't getting a buttload of interest out of us. He has to put it back in with interest anyway...but it is HIS money. AND then we can save $1400 per year by lowering our insurance to liability alone (and switching insurance companies).

The kids didn't believe me when I told them that whatever ran out before the next pay day (i.e. soda, junk food, etc.) they would have to do without until the next payday. They are going through soda withdrawal. They are finding out how great it is to drink water.
Oh...I make them kool-aid!

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Today I took a list to the new Menards store in town. If you don't know what that is...think "Lowes". They even have some food items in there! But, I bought all the plumbing supplies we need to make this house a little more 'water bill' friendly. Just little items but tomorrow I will begin to tackle a few things. AND, hubby is going to learn how to replace a wax ring on a toilet. I'd do it myself but it seems to be a two person thing.

I also went out on a limb and bought a new set of electric hedgetrimmers. The last set we had, hubby bent up. I would have went out there with the manual hedge trimmers but I remember (my shoulders and biceps remember) what it was like the LAST time I did that. I figure I give them a good enough workout in the gym. This would be free and extra...but...no thanks. I don't want to get addicted to Aleve.

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I found the ultimate measure of an old woman yesterday. I was taking one of my daughter's friends home after an afternoon at the Rec Center and a young guy on a rocket bike stopped in front of my van at the light. You know, the kind where they are bent way over and their butts are slightly up in the air...and it was right in my line of sight. The girls were peering through the windshield at him and you know what I NOTICED? I said, "That boy better get some new tires on that thing before he gets a bad case of road rash going around a curve! Those things are almost as bald as a baby's butt!" They rolled their eyes. WHAT? He was young enuff to be my son! Like I'm gonna check THAT out! I'm old...sigh.

However, there was a gray haired guy on a nice Harley next to him and I noticed...the message on his black t-shirt..."Chrome ain't for sissies". yep. That got my attention right away.

And you know what else got my attention? I watched something on the TV last night that I have heard so much about but never had an itch to watch. But last night, I figured what the heck? I was bored. I watched "Body Heat" with Kathleen Turner and William Hurt. Mickey Roarke was cute when he was young. I think he musta had his face rearranged in a bar fight somewhere along the line.ANYHOO, I'm sure the movie was quite racey back when it first came out...after all...the full, naked back side of Kathleen Turner? Other than that, it was a good movie. I got a little annoyed with Ted Danson's constant dancing, tho. I wasn't even as hot as they were in that movie but I wanted to hit him upside the head!

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I know this was long...but...my mind has been busy and I'm feeling so much better now that I've got those endorphines swimming around again.