The realtor looked at me tonight, as we were filling out papers and signing them (offer to buy papers) and said, "How are you doing (heather)? Are you doing okay?" She must have noticed I quit breathing and I realized my face was all drawn up...furrowed brow, tight lipped, etc. And I do this 'bunny' thing with my nose when I get too nervous...I twitch it up and down. (try and picture THAT!) My anxiety took over in a big way.

I have a really hard time spending money...committing to things. It really is a major wonder I got married. I'm not kidding! The morning of my wedding, if my bestest friend hadn't been there to keep an eye on me I would have bolted. I was puking my guts out all morning and barely made it through the ceremony without fainting. I recall my mom fretting over me while she and my friend were trying to get my gown on me and I would have to step out of it to vomit. By the third attempt my mother wailed, "oh, come on (heather)! You can't do this to me!" My father didn't know how dangerous it was when he gave me that last option to bail right before we walked down the aisle.

I have a difficult time buying a major appliance! Anything over $100 makes me very nervous. And if there are monthly payments involved.... .

Now heap onto that the state of the economy!!!! Not that I wasn't anxious enuff today...then I just HAD to read Anexplorer's blog! wow!

All evening my husband kept watching me and asking me, "Is everything okay? Are YOU alright?" AAAHHHH! Thanks for asking but you, of all ppl, know how I am! Remember the trip last Wednesday night to find a TV? How did THAT turn out? You left the final decision up to me. Do you SEE a new TV in the house?

I am praying hard about this whole house thing. And I am doing my usual...like the kid with a broken toy. "Here daddy...can you fix this for me?" and when daddy reaches out to take it, I won't let it out of my grasp. WHY am I like that? It never changes.

Okay...tonight I am going to let it go...and breathe normally and get some sleep.

Life is not meant to be one big ball of anxiety all the time...is it? And from this day forth I will not venture way out of my way to find more ways to cause me more anxiety. YOu read that right? Read this too...if I do and you catch me, you have the right to give me a really big kick in the bum.

Something I've been thinking about this morning. Something in my email. It rather startled me...which isn't all that difficult to do.
I have a story to tell...I've told it before...about two years ago. But I'm going to tell it again.

Most of you know that about 6 years back, my husband got tangled up with some ppl of 'low repute' and he got hooked on crack. I won't go into anymore details about that except he had this 'female friend'. Anyone that knows anything about drug dealers or 'druggies' knows that they are about the most desperate of ppl. They really are no one's friend, least of all themselves.

ANYHOW...my husband's 'female friend' went through his wallet...big surprise. She found my picture and asked him about me. THEN she found this little slip of paper he carried in his wallet with my social security number on it. Even for a crack head she had a pretty good memory.

After Troy got straightened up and I let him come home and finish putting himself back together, I found out something that just put the icing on the cake. I have this cousin Tom who owned a business just around the corner. I stopped to say 'hi' to him (it was my one place to escape and we would make each other laugh...he needed a good laugh too). He said, "So, did you like your stay in jail?" What? He told me about the story he had read in not only OUR county paper but the paper of the NEXT county where some woman with MY name had been picked up for shoplifting...in a major way...from K-Mart. I wouldn't have thought TOO much of it becuz my real name is rather generic. BUT the clincher was this...they gave the WHOLE name...middle name included. Same. So, I excused myself, drove home, and cornered my husband.
"Which one of your CRACK buddies stole my identity?" It didn't take him long to figure out who/what/where. OF COURSE NOT! She only shared your room, etc. NEVER MIND!

Anyway, I contacted the sheriff's department right away. They sent a deputy out and he wrote it all up...and I had to do a handwriting analysis! DANG! I got a bill in the mail from them for MY stay at the facility...AND a bill from K-MART!!! Luckily I had worked for a lawyer for a while and he would do work for me for half the cost. I should have sued the sheriff's dept. When they were booking her they brought my driver's license info up on their screen...and even though she was 10 years younger than me...about 6 inches taller...and much skinnier...the one booking her decided it was 'close enough'. Know why? Cuz she could rattle my SS# off without hesitation. Well, DUH! (btw...this story is in no way meant to brow beat my husband. Past is past. Things straightened out...and I'm not exactly a gem myself)

The worst I have ever done as far as breaking the law is getting a speeding ticket. OH! I hit someone in the back end once...they slammed on their brakes, I panicked and hit my brakes hard (before ABS) and slid into the back end of them. I was about 7 months pregnant with my daughter, went into false labor and had to be given a shot to stop it.

So, there is my wild life. Black and white.
Or whatever color this comes out on my blog.

This weekend is the community garage sale. So, I will be busy hauling stuff out. I want to get rid of whatever I can so that I don't have to move it. I am not sure what else there is. Every time we moved I got rid of more stuff. I think I have gotten it down to 'not much' as it is. And we have participated in 2 of the last 3 community garage sales.

What there mostly is to get rid of this time is toys. These two kids have hordid toys. And I told them it is time for them to get rid of it and make some money.

I am getting rid of my antique diningroom table. I just am not in love with it anymore. I will get something else later. So, anyway, I will be absent...checking in from time to time.

Troy almost killed me! He announced yesterday that he might be going to Chicago for the next couple of days. To which he was met with 'the look'. I told him, well, if you HAVE to, you do. Turns out he didn't HAVE to. He's staying home to help. Good choice.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

I had enough going on last night to 'entertain' me...and I didn't even get to see "American Idol". Of course, according to Pretty Rubble I didn't miss anything. I have it TiVo'd. That way I can go through it really quickly.

#1)THE SON. He has been lazing off on his school work. He's behind. Can't get his butt out of bed on his own in the morning. By the time I get him up I feel like I've run a marathon. Tells me yesterday he doesn't feel good...avoids doing schoolwork again. THEN, later in the afternoon he comes into the computer room and asks me if he can go to a baseball game with Britney (the gf dujour). I tell him no. He wants to know why. Let's see...you claimed earlier you were sick...now you are suddenly well...you haven't finished your English notebook OR your physical science project. "I promise I will get all that done tonight." again...
"I promise you will work on it now." "But I really want to go to this game with her." "BUT I really want you to do your schoolwork. NO." By now my voice is louder...but not at yelling stage. I walk out into the livingroom and there she sits! Red faced with this weird look on her face! And I hadn't even actually met her yet. But you know what? She lit into him too...about not doing his work...giving his mother a hard time! We all sat and talked for a while and when she left she said, "I love this family!"

BUT THEN...son turned on me. I embarrassed him...he will never bring her around us again...when he turns 18 (in September) he is going to get an apartment and move out...yada yada. OH HE** NO! I snatched his phone and car keys. No clue to life.

Then he moped around all night, "I miss Britney." whine. I told him, "I know. I went through that junk at your age. I'm not so old and feeble minded that I don't still remember that. You'll live through it." Of course, if looks could kill...But I'm still breathing! sheesh.

#2)THE DAUGHTER. I pick her up from school and she points at some guy, "See that boy over there in the pinkish t and the bandana wrapped around his head? That's SCOTT! He's in 8th grade! He's my 'friend'!" Oh LORD! Help me. Tall, skinny...older. NOT NOW!

So, later I hear her tell her dad she wants to go for a walk through the neighborhood. He tells her to take her phone and be aware of who/what is around her. She is gone a long time. I call...she is up by the SCHOOL. I can't get her to walk TO or FROM school. I look at her dad and say, "Boy. It's a boy."

This morning she asks me if she can walk home from school today. I look at her and say, "What's his name?" She says (ever so innocently), "Who?" I said, "Walk last night...walk home from school today..." "You think I'm doing it becuz of some boy?" I gave her the one eyebrow raise. She knew better than to try and put one over on me...all I got out of her, though, was, "Well, there IS this one boy that lives near the school..." uh huh. I am taking her brother's car and sitting a block off so I can SEE. Is it bandana head? I mean (real gushy voice) SCOTT!

#3)THE HUSBAND. He decides at 7:30 last night he wants to go find a flat screen TV (our large one is getting ready to bite the dust). So, off we go. I lost count at how many stores we looked in. THEN he can't make up his mind...wants ME to decide. You know what I decided? I didn't want to spend any money...I wanted to go home. So, we went home...sans flat screen.

On the way home, however, he drives into this car lot...to show me the car he would like to buy. I just look at him and say, "I do NOT know what you are looking at cars for now. I thought we agreed to wait another year! I can't take this! Flat screens...cars...house!!! Too much money and big decisions!" He said he could live without the car. YOU THINK?!?!

Then he is talking to me all night about that two story house. He starts listing off all the renovations he would like to do to that house! WHOA! First off...who says they are going to agree to our price? Secondly...just where is this renovation money coming from? AND WHY do you want to make so many changes? A few! SHEESH!

Calgon..take me away! Scrawny seems to be pretty care free this morning. She is out sitting in one of my chairs on the back porch...just looking around the yard. I'm envious.